Originally posted on 9/10/09:

“I went to college for four years, paid over $80,000 for a state school education, majored in Communication Studies with a concentration in radio/TV/film, AND worked on a reality TV show- plus I made the credits! I find it so infuriating that we pay so much money for a piece of paper with a college’s name on it, and somehow a majority of us are either shelling out more money to go to grad school while the rest of us ask,”Would you like fries with that?” or “You need an XL? I’ll have to check in the back…”

It seems that there is nothing out there for entry level applicants. I mean if people in the workforce for decades are being laid off and looking for work, what makes me, a fresh faced, eager, hardworking Twenty-something with no experience, a good candidate next to Ms. Thirty-something or Mr.Forty-something and a half with years of hard work and success under their belts? Huh??

Pardon my long windedness there.

I guess I’m just disappointed with my degree. All that time spent and all I have to show for it is a really large loan repayment and very little dignity left. I hold out hope for the future, but what is to come is anyone’s guess.”

Since then, I found some direction (and a better job!). The jury on my future is still out, but it is definitely looking much better now

“Where the heck is that?” you may be asking yourself. It’s the county where Trenton, the state capitol, is located. Now, it’s danger doesn’t come from Trenton as some of you may think, but it’s little old ladies, teenagers, and soccer moms make this place lethal! The danger lies in the streets (and sometimes the sidewalk… seriously.)

Mercer County has THE worst drivers on the planet. They park on the opposite side of the street, either bought cars without turn signals or just don’t know they exist (so it’s always a challenge trying to figure out where the car in front of you will end up next!), and these wackos continue to drive like it’s their first time on the road.

I think Mercer is like a Bermuda triangle for drivers. Here, they forget everything there is to know about safe and effective driving. Parking on the wrong side of the street is one thing, but driving 55 down a residential street with no regard for signs like stop or yield, no understanding of proper laws or any common sense- clearly another thing.

If you are ever driving in Mercer County, please take the following safety precautions to ensure your safety and the fatness of your wallet:

1. Look out for any adults, children, dogs, old people, or and combination of them standing (and definitely not watching) in the middle of the street. They don’t care if they get hit- they’re covered by your insurance if anything happens anyway.

Thankfully, I have successfully mastered not hitting people that literally stand in the middle of the street talking and playing. Without a keen eye and exceptional reflexes, you’re doomed.

2. When you are driving down a narrow street and another car is zooming right for you, don’t hope the other car will move aside so you can pass, in ANY situation. You ALWAYS move over, or you ALWAYS lose.

You either move or play chicken. Simple as that. Mercer drivers believe the road was built around them, therefore, they can make up their own rules and politeness goes out the damn window.

3. Mercer is famous for crossover lanes that allow drivers on busy streets to use a 2 directional center lane to cross to the opposite lane.

This is a cleverly disguised death trap. Good luck.

4. No one knows where they are going, what they are doing, or what street they are on. No one has a map or GPS. When in a hurry, expect the unexpected. Plan for delays and don’t be afraid to use your horn…

… that is unless you like playing bumper cars on off ramps.

5. All signs, lights, and laws are optional.
The signs should read:
NO TURN ON RED… unless you are in a hurry, then feel free!
STOP… or at least drive fast enough not to get caught.
GREEN light= GO
YELLOW light= GO FASTER!
RED light= QUICK, YOU CAN STILL MAKE IT!
YIELD… Oh, no not you. The car behind you, silly!
RIGHT LANE FOR TURN ONLY… or just go straight. But don’t use your turn signals- that will just confuse people!

No one can really drive here, they are all just pretending. I think most people learned how to drive through video games where you smack people with your stolen car and drive into the river to avoid the cops. Here in Mercer, new drivers often mimic these bad behaviors prompting me to ask, how did these people get their licenses?

MVC, what were you thinking?

My girlfriend has trouble understanding why and how I choose to induldge in this type of programing. These questions are valid and understandable. So for those of you who are not on the reality and primetime dramatic television bandwagon, please allow me to shed some light on the reality lifestyle.

The mystery of this type of television has a lot to do with escaping our real reality and entering into the TV pseudo-reality. There, cheating and backstabbing are common place and drunkenness is always sloppy and can only leads to someone slapping someone else and getting sent home. And as long as it’s not happening to us, we can watch on.

Some have ice cream, some have sports, we have TV. This is our guilty pleasure. We are the many, the proud, and the intrigued. We live for the catfights, secrets, lies and emotional baggage. We curse the b**** out while secretly hoping she stays around for one more episode. We Tweet, we email, we spread the gossip. We take it to work, school, and use it in social situations. In a crowded room where you know no one, having a conversation starter like who the Stallionaires chose to send home after the girls’ wrestling challenge on “Real Chance of Love” is your ticket to social success.

There is just something about watching what is affectionately referred to as “trashy” TV, that allows viewers to simultaneously be embarassed for the people on these shows and secretly hope their outlandish behavior continues all season. Our lives are full of drama but watching someone else deal with their issues, somehow puts our minds at ease, even for just a few precious moments. Moments where we know that however scripted it may be, someone else’s life sucks more. And we’re okay with that.

It’s not that easy. I just bought three pairs of leather boots, a lava lamp, and a large number 3 with cheese and no onions, Coke no ice. Oops.

Our country’s frivolous spending has prompted me to find ways to cut corners without having to lose out on the things I love. So here are some tips that you and I probably won’t try (and probably shouldn’t try either as they are for comedic purposes only. Except #4. It’s real.)

Tip #1 Sell Your Stuff Online

A great way to make some fast cash and get rid of stuff you don’t want, is to pawn it off to others! Selling stuff online is like a garage sale for the Internet generation. You list what you don’t want, and people give you money for it! But seller be warned! People who pay money to take your junk can be vicious animals out for blood! Don’t be fooled by their seemingly friendly feedback. One time my girlfriend and I asked our buyers to leave us feedback on how we were doing. One dude acted as if we insulted him! He called us tacky in a private message, then left us great feedback acting like we were BFFLs! We had a few choice words for him.

Oh, and our shipping method of choice (I’ll give you a hint, it rhymes with “smostal smervice”) doesn’t know what it’s doing, plus it takes forever to get your money and you have to pay the site fees when you list and sell stuff…

You know what, forget this one. For the frustration and headaches, it’s not really worth the trouble.

Tip #2. Sell Lemonade

This ain’t your kids’ lemonade stand! You need to kick the youngsters off your lawn and get into a market untapped by most adults in towns across the America. You can go old school lemo stand and break out the wood and markers, or put that license to good use and take your business on the road! (Plus you’d probably look pretty silly sitting in a wooden box on your lawn.) Minivans are best because you can drive to your destination, slide your door open, and “POW!” open for business. This is also good for getting customers on their way home from work. Just sell your wares at stoplights.

And don’t limit your selection to lemonade. Don’t forget water, milk, butter, mini crawlers, gum, nachos, gin, and those cleaning cloths made out of space age absorbant material for starters. 78% of people want convience, and what’s better than a 7-11 on wheels? Nothing.

And don’t feel bad about taking business from minors either! They’re kids, they don’t have a mortgage to pay. Do they?

Tip #3 Got a Pretty Mug? Get Famous!

Most people think it’s hard to get famous. They’re lying! So many famous people are famous for nothing. Like those people who live, drink, pretend to eat, and date in LA, well I could do that. They’d call it, “The Apartment.” It would be about me and my complex life. First episode will follow me as I get gas, clean puppy pee stains off my comforter, and straighten my hair. Exhilirating.

You can do it. Just make yourself available to passersby. Sit outside or near windows and make model/actor faces at anyone who walks past. Think of all those people who were discovered stuffing pizza into their mouth. A famous Hollywood producer might walk into Tony’s, see you and say, “Kid, you got the look!”
With your mouth full and your face covered in pizza, you answer,”Wwhoo mme?”
“Yes you, pizza face! I’m gonna make you a star!”

Then give it about 3 weeks and you will get a call asking you to be in “Middle School Musical” playing Mozzerella, a smart and talented student who moves to a new school and becomes a better entertainer than the brother-sister duo, Bryan and Shitzu. Plus you’ll fall in love with a popular hottie played by Zac Efron. Does that sound familar? Nah.

Tip #4 Stop Buying Crap

Go to work, pay your bills, and stop buying crap!

HAPPY SAVING!!

**NOTE**
The statistics found in this blog are 95% accurate, and I lie 57% of the time. My numbers and figures are probably backed up by some independent research company somewhere, but since you’ve probably never heard of them, why even mention it? But you can trust me. Afterall, my math grades were impecable. Once I even got a gold star! Now if that doesn’t tell you how great I am at math then 1+1= you shouldn’t question my arithmetic skills!

One of the worst parts about starting a blog or joining a website is the daunting task of creating a username. It could be just me (and it usually is), but I can never make up my mind when it comes to thinking of who I want people to think I am through my username. You may be thinking, “Who cares what username you choose, it’s about what you have to say in your blog or what is in the e-mail that matters.” While this is a valid point, I find that a username says a lot about the person behind it. I could write an inspired essay on the life and deeds of Mother Teresa, but if my username is BikiniBabe69, well how many of you would actually take me seriously?

And what about complex usernames that no one can understand, let alone remember? For example, “stickyBUSseatpumpkinAlabamaguitarMoNkEy35658*•~><|}+." alright I went a little overboard on that one but it makes a point. I'm all for showing one's personality, but I think usernames should be sweet, simple, and easy to remember… That is unless you don't want anyone to find you (if this is the case, keep a diary or just e-mail yourself ).

I guess even on the Internet, where billions don't know who I am or where I'm from, I still feel first impressions are key. That's why it takes me several attempts and hours of staring at the "create your account" page to finally commit to a username. Then, of course, you enter all your information, press submit and hold your breath as you wait for the site to load your fate: "THIS USERNAME IS NOT AVAILABLE." Crap! You have worked so hard on your username, and you want to use it! Oh, what is this? The site is suggesting alternate usernames for me based on what username I originally wanted? So I wanted DaniellesInnerThoughts, but I can have- DaniellesInner223, InsideDanielle1499, Daniellesinnerthoughts657824746627284. Alas, it just doesnt seem fair.

Sometimes I get through the username creation process unscathed and think I've made a wise choice. Ha! I created a username for a social Internet game site a few months back. I studied tv/film in college and thought it would be fun to incorporate that into my username. So I became camchick87, thinking I had finally found a great name. People will know that I like cameras and media and that I'm a girl and probably born in 1987. Plus the name sounded badass at the time (I find anything with chick in it to be badass. E.g. biker chick). Well early one morning, I was playing in a room with at least 40 other people, all of whom were keeping to themselves. Of course chatty Cathy had to call us all out. She started to question why we were all in a game room that was clearly named to entice talkers- something like "the water cooler." I like to play in those rooms to read what others are talking about. So there I am minding my own business, popping my balloons and chatty Cathy announces to the room "hey there's even a cam chick in here!" Now some consider me somewhat over sensative, but when someone scrolls the 40 person chat room list and calls you out, you have to wonder why? I think my username was to blame. I typed camchick into google and found that most hits were for porn sites! I started to wonder if that's what she meant, that my username was an indication that I was a girl who liked to use her webcam for inappropriate activities. Hmm.

Needless to say, I'm much more mindful of what I want people to think of me online. So ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, my username: pinknailpolish. Short, sweet, and me.